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My son, I swear, I don’t even know where he gets these ideas. To top off his cruel joke with his sister earlier (argh! so embarrassing), he took advantage of a every day convenience into a great disadvantage for an old man like me!

Just a few decades ago, I remember as a child walking up to the television and manually changing the channel. Now, with the remote we can sit on the couch, change the channel and volume, record shows, and go on the internet and choose practically any movie just by using this item.

Anyways, after the kids went to bed, I finally got to sit down to watch my show.

I sunk into the couch. I squirmed neatly into the cushions and relaxed all my muscles. It was so refreshing. Comfortable. I again squirmed into the cushion and relaxed. Taking a deep breath, only my gasp for air rang the chilled silence. Wonderful.

Then I stared at the black T.V. screen.

I immediately became bitter. Where was the remote?

But it was okay at first, no big deal, right? I looked around the room hoping to spot the remote.

Argh! I didn’t see the remote the first time I looked around. Dreadful.

I started panicking, “remote appear!” I commanded.

That is when I spotted it. It laid on a paper plate face down, located on top the side table, which stood on the other side of the couch. I cried a little inside. I was comfortable. I didn’t want to move.

Argh! But my show…

Stricken by laziness, I stretched my body across the couch with as little movement from my original position as possible reaching for the remote.

Sigh!

It was too far! But no, I was determined to sit on my butt and get that remote! I reached even further, flopping my stomach on the couch as I twisted my face, like I was in true agony.

My finger tips are just millimeters away! frustrated, I groaned and made the final stretch for the remote!

“Urghhhhhh! Got– Ughhhhh!”

Bang! Tumble! Tumble.

The remote fell onto the other side of the table. I threw my head back in frustration, groaned, and sprinted to the remote’s destination.

I started picking up the paper plate. Initially, I thought that paper plate was oddly heavy. But then I flipped the plate over.

See, my son, Elliot, thinks it is hilarious to cause mischief. This is one of those moments.

The front of the remote was super glued to paper plate!

Remember, Elliot is only 7 years-old. He used an overabundance of glue.

I think his intention was to glue it enough to hold on to the plate but for me to actually be able to pull it off.

I know, I know. I should have never put the glue gun where he could reach it. It’s my fault. But who would have thought…?

My wife, Holly, told me if I wanted to watch television while she is asleep, I must sit in the living room.

After trying to peel off the plate and the glue for sometime, I gave up and resorted to the unthinkable. I walked up to my television to find the buttons to manually turn it on and change the channel. Since On-Demand came about, perhaps they actually made an On-Demand button as well!

At first I ran my hand on the sides of the flat-screen to find the buttons.

Of course, I could not find them. Argh! I turned on my light. My eyes burned and everything turned into static in a moments notice.

But hey, now at least I can possibly watch my show now.

I walked back to my television and squinted at every single side of it.

The only button on the television was on the button, and it only turned on and off the T.V.

Wonderful. Great. Just what I wanted to know. They don’t make a manual On-Demand button– or any other button besides the on and off button!

At the risk of losing my life, I resorted to the the very last option.

I was going to watch it in my bedroom as Holly slept.

As quietly as possible, I sat in bed next to her (who seemed sound asleep), turned on the T.V. and instantly muted it. For almost a minute I thought I was in the clear.

I stiffened. Holly turned her head, staring right into my eyes, and in the sweetest voice asked, “Can you turn off the T.V.?”

Then she widened her eyes! I hate she does it! She has the most beautiful green eyes. She take advantage of it, I swear! She knows my weakness.

I gave in and turned it off.

Sigh.

Without watching my show, I went to bed, in the most uncomfortable position too.

But I woke up in the morning and laughed… my son glued the super glued the remote to a paper plate. What the hell?

—Eli Jenkins
@JenkinsWritings

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Every Tuesday a new Elliot’s Playground is posted. Don’t forget to follow, like, and… I can’t remember but if you know then do it! 🙂

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