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I suck at cooking. One of the main reasons I will never write a cook book is because if I did I probably would get sued for food-poisoning, burns, property damage, and the likes.

Sometimes I attempt cooking a meal though. I usually ask my friend, Ramon, for some advice. Unfortunately, the advice only helps so much!

I decided to try to cook white potatoes a few months ago. It did not go well– that is mildly putting it.

Just like I always do before adventuring into the kitchen to destroy it, I called my very (not really) helpful friend.

I told him I wanted to try cooking potatoes. He laughed at me saying that they are easy to cook. Ya, right.

So he tells me to peel them (obviously, I knew that much!), slice them, and to drop them into the water for 10 minutes or so.

I like specifics, so I asked if I should add the water to the pot and let it bubble first before dropping in the potatoes.

He replied, “it doesn’t matter. It comes out the same.”

This is where I probably got too excited. I asked him how much water I should put in the pot. Laughing at me he just said,

“just cover the potatoes.”

To me this means that it didn’t matter how much water I put in the pot.

We hung up and I proceeded into the kitchen confident that there will not be a disaster this time.

(Warning: Do not do this. I am an idiot.)
Determined, I took out a small pot and filled it 75% of the way with water. Turning on the burner (it’s a gas stove), I placed the pot on top of the flame.

Not understanding the actual amount potatoes secretly hold, I took out three and peeled them. To me at this time, three potatoes did not seem like a large amount.

After I finished slicing them, I immediately regretted wanting to cook three.

After the water bubbles, I begin to drop in the potato slices. Actually dropping them is not a good idea, hot water splashes every where. I learned to drop a few in at a time– and very gently.

At this point, the pot was filled to the brim.

Remembering, when my Grandpa was trying (and hopelessly) teaching me how to cook, he told I should put a lid on top for the water and food to cook faster. When he cooked, I observed him tilting the lid slightly off the pot.

Mimicking him, I placed the lid on top of the pot, tilting it slightly off to the side.

A minute passed and, the water over-flowed out of the pot.

I panicked for a second but then remembering what my other friend said about how if there are “too many bubbles” just stir it and it’ll go down.

So, I took a giant a spoon, stirred it and watched the bubbles deflate, and then I replaced the lid on top.

Not even a minute goes by when, again, water bursts out of the pot.

Rinse and Repeat.

But after a while water was everywhere; I started to panic.

What should I do?

Being the idiot I am, the solution I came up with simple but it didn’t fix my problem.

I moved the pot to another burner!

So I cleaned up the original burner but then the second burner was being filled with water. So, again, my solution laid in just switching burners.

But after awhile, it got tiring, and besides the potatoes weren’t really cooking.

I just panicked.
What should I do?
I should call Ramon but I would have to leave the potatoes as I go upstairs.
Giving up definitely was not option considering I be completely wasting the potatoes.

I knew there was too much water (and potatoes) in this one little pot, so I took a cup and slowly but surely dumped most of the water into the sink.

This was very exhausting. The amount of effort I put into cooking is ridiculous so as anyone can see, this why I don’t cook.

I again re-applied my lid technique to the pot and waited as I cleaned up the other burner.

In the end, I think I cooked the potatoes way too long and also due to using too much water, there was a lack of flavor.

I grudgingly ate most of the potatoes but honestly after that much effort and time, I just wanted to sleep.

Despite what people say, cooking really is a skill– which I don’t have.

From then on when ever I thought about cooking potatoes, I just went for the good-ole-ramen.