I have a persistent, irrational fear. Fear is an innate emotion but this kind of raving fear corresponds with hysteria. No matter how much you want to rid yourself from the dreadful uneasiness jabbing in your chest and heart, it is still there.
Throughout life this fear preoccupied itself deep inside. The fear distresses any sensation, emotion, energy into a foreboding timidity. When encountering the fear, the craze raptures, dominates, and devours any levelheadedness.
I intensely quaver at any sight of a drain. It’s not even somewhat rational. It’s just this apprehensiveness that was always there for as long as I can remember. As I write this it feels like not only my eyes are tearing up but my chest and throat as well. My body is slightly trembling of even thinking about it.
I have no idea how this dread imprinted in my brain but it sure as hell creeps up every time I shower, use a sink, see a manhole cover on the street, or anything of the sort.
When I was really young and my parents would bathe me I remember I would always sit on the other side of the tub. I knew I cannot possibly be sucked down a drain but the thought terrifies me.
At the age of around 8 or 9 I saw a movie, “Eight-Legged Freaks”.
At the time I thought, “Oh this will help me lessen my fear of spiders.”
The movie opened with an acidic poison being spilled near a man’s small exhibition of spiders. Disastrously, the acid caused the spiders to mutate and grow as large as a townhouse. The spiders crawled through the sewage lines and up the pipes to snatch people. I honestly have no idea how it ended because I think I fell asleep.
Anyways, obviously I was not too bright of a kid because not only did it evolve my fear for spiders but also for drains.
From then on not only did I imagine myself being sucked down the drains but also spiders crawling up the drains.
Even to this day I have trouble stepping into the shower without thinking about it. In fact I have improved quite a bit since I was a kid.
I use to spend at least 5 minutes standing around before turning on the shower and another 10 after turning it on.Then another 5 minutes in the shower just being frightened.
So I have accomplished quite a feat in my opinion. Taking 20 minutes to actually shower vs to the present with only a couple of minutes.
However that achy, beyond scared feeling just will not relent. It persists on into an infinite amount of jabbing.
No matter how much I want to rid myself from this dreadful uneasiness jabbing in my chest and heart, it is still there. I have a persistent, irrational fear of drains.